I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
im six kinds of drunk right now
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
