Pants 0. Shit 1.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
