Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
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