Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
