Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
