i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
