You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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