that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Randomize
