I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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