did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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