You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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