I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
