You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
