just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize