this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
