i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
