the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
