Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I have fence marks all over my body
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
