Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
