You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
