Tell her she can't have a vagina
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
