So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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