I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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