I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
