My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
