i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
