i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
