Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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