are you still at the devil's house?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize