He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
