just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
