She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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