Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
