I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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