i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
