my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
