we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
