a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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