Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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