i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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