i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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