he puts the penis in happiness.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
