did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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