its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
