Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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