Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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