i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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