Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
