Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
