I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
