if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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