I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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