I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
