I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
