I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
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