If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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