I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
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