My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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