I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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