Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
