well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
