My room smells like vodka and shame
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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