I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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