Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
