We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
