I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
