i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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