which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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