Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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