I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
