The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
