Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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