I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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