you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
