The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need a burrito and a hug.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry about my life...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
