I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we're so committed to being not committed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
