It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize