spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
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