I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
two words: eviction party
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
