Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
