she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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