Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
