Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
