I'm drive I can fine osifer
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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