everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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