She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
