my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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