I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
