I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
