I heard we made out
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
