Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
