it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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