I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
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